Late-Night Comics Take Aim At Trump's Latest 'Gold Card' Immigration Plan
Late-night's prominent entertainers spent their airtime mocking former President Donald Trump's recently unveiled immigration program, labeled the "gold card," portraying it as a clear pay-to-play system for the rich.
Stephen Colbert's Witty Analysis
Opening his show, Stephen Colbert presented a satirical holiday tune targeting the president. "He is compiling a list, reviewing it twice, then handing that list to the agents at ICE," he intoned. "Trump ... ruins all he comes into contact with."
The focus was the controversial program that allows international individuals to purchase U.S. residence for an investment of $1 million dollars, or "platinum" tier for $5 million. The program's portal pledges approval "faster than ever."
"One thought for you to wealthy immigrants: before you fork over the cash, have you considered Canada?" Colbert joked.
He noted that the scheme is also meant to "get cash" from businesses looking to hire foreign workers, involving hefty costs. "That is a lot of fees, however if you enroll, you also get two free nights at a hotel of your selection – if it's the that one hotel," he continued.
"The most thorough background check the government has ever done," said Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "a $15,000 vetting to verify these applicants absolutely meet the standard to be in America."
"That's important, you gotta prove you're suitable to be an American," Colbert said dryly. "First question: how many burgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"
Jimmy Kimmel's Scathing Roast
On his late-night show, Jimmy Kimmel labeled the initiative the "Get Into America Express Card."
"This is a card that will allow wealthy overseas citizens to live here," he said. "In exchange for a million bucks, you get legal resident status, you get a road to citizenship, and a presidential pardon for one significant crime of your selection."
"Maybe it's time to update that poem on the Statue of Liberty – to hell with your poor masses. Give us a million bucks, you're in!" he joked.
Kimmel lampooned the lack of detail of the form, observing it is "harder to start a Wordle account." He remarked that Trump "believes citizenship is something you can sell, like a steak."
"Exactly, the best people are the rich people," Kimmel said. "That's what Jesus constantly said! It's in the Bible. He says it's easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle if you pay the needle a million dollars."
Seth Meyers on Economic Issues
Elsewhere, Seth Meyers focused on Trump's slipping poll ratings during financial concerns. "The public gave Donald Trump a second term since they were angry about the economy," he said.
This week, in a attempt to address cost of living, Trump conducted a press conference in front of a array of food items, and reacted strangely to boxes of cereal.
"What a nice job, I think I'm going to take a few of them with me to my cottage and have a lot of fun," Trump stated. "Such as the Cheerios, I haven't had Cheerios in a ages."
"He's so extremely weird," Meyers responded. "What do you mean, you're going to take them back to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What are you gonna do with those Cheerios?"
Meyers wrapped up by targeting right-leaning news arguments of Trump's financial performance. "Maybe rather than voicing concerns, you should give him a sparkling trophy like what FIFA did," he remarked.